


Desert Wanderer

by youreyestheyglow



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, smut will come later I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-06
Packaged: 2017-12-28 02:52:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youreyestheyglow/pseuds/youreyestheyglow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru fucks up and runs away, and Rin is too slow to follow him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Haruka awoke naturally - his alarm hadn't gone off. He pushed his blankets off and sat up, quickly processing the fact that something was wrong: light was streaming in through the windows, his clock said school had started an hour ago, his alarm hadn't rung, and Makoto hadn't woken him up. 

And then the rest of his brain caught up, and he remembered that it was the first day of break, and that there was no reason to get up. 

He got up anyway. He disliked using the public pool, and Iwatobi's outdoor pool was closed, but thanks to Gou's pleading - although he doubted it had taken much - Mikoshiba had graciously extended to the Iwatobi swim club the use of Samezuka's indoor pool. And that was a reason to get up.

No need for a uniform; Haru threw on jeans and a sweatshirt over his bathingsuit and headed out, running back to grab his cell phone. He hadn't yet made it a habit to bring it with him, but the memory of the message Nagisa and Rei had left him that night when he hadn't gone home was as good a reminder as any to take it with him. It was a strange weight in his pants pocket, and whenever he brought it it seemed to tug his pants down on one side, but Mako looked at him proudly whenever he remembered it, so it was probably worth it. 

Samezuka's pool was empty. Their swimmers were probably just as grateful as Rei for a training break. 

If Haru tried hard enough, he could almost see Rei diving off the block and flopping into the pool again. 

He stripped down, neatly piling his clothes against a wall, and dove in. The water was cold, but not freezing - just enough to shock the swimmer, whose stroke barely faltered as he came up to the surface with a gasp and swam strongly towards the other side. His turns might not have been as strong as they could have been, but it was the part of swimming laps that Haru treasured the most: the part when his entire body was curled up, engulfed entirely in water, a ball of pure muscle, weightless in the cool homogenous water. And then his feet pushed against the wall, and his body shot out to its full length, and he was swimming again, making a place for himself in the water, which didn't care if he was competing or practicing or playing - it let him in anyway. 

Haru got to the other side, but just as he entered the turn, a shock of reddish-purple near the door caught his eye. He tried to stop mid-turn, and messed it up so badly that if Rei had seen it, he would have quit the sport immediately because if Haruka-senpai couldn't make it beautiful, no one could. "Rin?"

"Haru. What are you doing here?" Rin strolled towards the pool, hands in his pockets. 

Haru shook his hair to keep it from dripping in his eyes. "Your captain is letting us use the pool over break."

"Gou's work, I guess."

Haru nodded. 

Rin pulled off his sweatshirt. "Since you're here - wanna race?"

Haru pulled himself out of the water, watching to make sure his bathingsuit didn't snag on the concrete. "If you're up for it."

Rin paused, halfway out of his pants, to look at Haru. "That almost sounded like a challenge."

"It wasn't." Haru stepped onto the block, mentally rehashing the last time he'd swum with Rin - Haru had lost, by maybe half a second at most. He would have to move faster if he wanted this time to be any different. 

Rin rolled his eyes and removed his pants. "Of course not. The great Haruka Nanase would  _never_ speak words that weren't perfectly genuine." He stepped up to the block. "I wish we had someone to time us."

"Nitori?"

"Home for the break."

"Why aren't you?" Haru watched Rin in his peripheral vision. 

"I'm leaving tonight."

Haru nodded. 

"Why didn't you bring anyone else? Mako isn't even here."

"I wanted to swim alone."

"You agreed to swim with me," Rin responded as he rolled his shoulders in preparation for the upcoming race.

"I will always agree to swim with you." Haru glanced over to see that Rin had paused in his stretching, expression unguarded and shocked. "On three?"

"Right. One, two, three -!"

And there it was, that thing that Rin had shown him and that Haru had shown Rin, that feeling of companionship - that realization that you weren't racing a person, but swimming with a friend. The goal of this race wasn't to win, but to hear Rin's inhale as their heads came out of the water at the same time, to understand that they were so well-matched that even when one fell behind he would catch up. And when Haru tapped the wall, it was within milliseconds of Rin - so close that he didn't know who had won.

"You've gotten better," Rin observed. 

"I've been practicing more often." Haru shook his hair, water whipping around his face. 

"I hope so. We're going to be racing against each other again, come summer." Rin's shark-toothed shit-eating grin revealed more excitement than Haru had shown in the past several years. "Racing, with a timer, and people to decide which of us won. And don't you dare say it's not about winning."

"It's not. It's about swimming with you." 

Rin rolled his eyes. "All right, Haru. But don't tell me you weren't horrified when I won."

"I wasn't. I was horrified when you said you would never swim with me again." 

Haru stared out at the calm surface of the pool; they had been still enough that the waves were minimal. He slowly realized that the silence was stretching on, and that Rin had neither broken it nor left. He turned and found that Rin was already looking at him, curiously, like he was a brand-new species. "What?"

"You're being serious, aren't you?"

"Of course I am."

He snorted. "Of course you are. I can't remember the last time you made a joke."

Haru returned his gaze to the pool. "We haven't been talking for very long, either. Only a few months."

Rin held up a finger. "First of all, most people make at least one joke over the course of a few months." He ticked up a second finger. "Second of all, are you going to hold that over my head forever? I explained my problems, I apologized. I thought we made up."

"I'm not holding it over your head, I'm citing it as the reason why you haven't heard me joke. Why are you looking at me like that?" For some reason, the fact that Rin was studying him bothered him. He felt like he should be doing something, like he wasn't living up to some unspoken expectation. 

"Because sometimes, I think there's tons of stuff going on in there -" he waved at the general area of Haru's head - "And sometimes, I think there's nothing, and what you say is honestly all that's going on in there. So which one is right? Do our conversations barely scratch the surface? Or is even this a strain? Hmm?" His voice rose. "I thought you changed. You seemed to understand what I wanted - you understood what  _you_ wanted. You knew where I'd go when I failed, and you knew what it would take to make me understand that everything wasn't over. And for a while it was like we were friends again, the four of us and Rei, swimming together and hanging out and doing joint practices and teaching Rei how to swim something other than the butterfly. But for the past month or so - just  _this_. You came all the way up here to swim and didn't even tell me, even though you  _knew_ I was here. You don't talk. You let Mako talk for you, which is fine for the others but _me_? Haruka, you  _know_ me, you know me better than anyone, and I know I left and I was a jerk for a long time but - I thought I made up for that, please tell me I did.  _What am I doing wrong_?" His shout bounced off the walls, and he punched the water as though he'd forgotten that water wasn't solid. The surface of the water rippled, and small waves hit the far side of the pool.

Haru allowed himself to do what he hadn't done in months. He looked directly at Rin, looked him straight in the face. He looked at the sharp, straight lines that made up his angular face, the purple-red hair that somehow managed to avoid falling in his eyes the way Haru's did, the eyes that could never have been described as calm or emotionless the way Haru's often were. "I forgave you a long time ago. I forgave you before you even got back. You aren't doing anything wrong."

"Then  _why are you acting so strangely_?" Rin yelled.

Haru shook his head and turned away, the blue of the pool a sharp contrast to the sharp color of Rin's eyes. And then something smashed into him, and it was only through force of habit that he managed to suck in a breath before he went under. He whirled in the water to find Rin over him, the two of them falling to the bottom under the momentum of Rin's jump, and Haru saw for a moment the scene of a few months ago, Rin above him and water on Haru's face and Haru took the chance he hadn't taken before and instead of remaining passive he stretched his face up through the water and kissed Rin, he kissed Rin, and Rin opened his mouth in surprise and Haru's tongue flicked over sharp teeth for barely a second although it seemed more like the length of time between when he had touched the wall and when Rin had touched the wall it was too short to count and then the water flooded in, and Rin kicked up, and Haru allowed himself to float to the surface. 

The time it took to rise to the top felt simultaneously too long and too short. It was an eternity of suffering in light of Rin's rejection and a millisecond before he had to face Rin's wrath, and when his face broke the surface Haru was shocked that he was allowed time to spit out the chlorinated water in his mouth. 

"Haru?"

Haru stared at the surface of the pool accusatorally - now, when he needed it most, it provided no safety or peace. 

"Haru?" 

"I apologize." Haru stepped towards the side of the pool and hoisted himself out. "It won't happen again." He could hear Rin pulling himself out of the pool, and decided to forego actually dressing. "I'll leave now." He sprinted out of the building and was halfway home before he realized that he was running around outside in the middle of winter in a bathingsuit. He hopped into his pants and pulled on his jacket. His phone fell out of his pocket, and he paused to check it. Four phone calls and two texts. One call was from Nagisa. Everything else was from Rin. Haru replaced his phone in his pocket and resumed running. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One oblivious anime boy ignores the other, who throws a silent temper tantrum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, I’m posting the second chapter on the same day as the first.   
> Also, I have no idea how far away Samezuka academy is, so if anything seems off, just go with it.   
> Enjoy!

**Part One**

Haru lowered himself into his bathtub. He might not have noticed before, but it was cold outside, and running around in a wet bathingsuit had not been the best decision. He chose to focus on the strange biting sensation of thawing out in hot water, rather than the thing that was biting at his mind that he refused to consider. 

He lowered his head under the water and stayed there. At first, it was fine - comfortable, even. And then his lungs began to burn. His vision swam. 

Something grabbed him under the arms and pulled him up. For a second, Haru worried that it was Rin - that Rin had followed him back, had come to yell at him or discuss therapy or tell him that they couldn't swim together anymore, not that Haru was planning on swimming with him any time soon anyway. But it was Makoto, wearing the worried expression he so often wore when he watched his little brother tackling his little sister. "Haru, are you trying to kill yourself?"

"Of course not. I couldn't drown if I tried. What are you doing here?" He let Mako pull him into a standing position, glancing down to see that his legs hadn't totally returned to their normal color. 

"Rin called me. He said he was worried about you. Is something wrong?"

"What else did he say?" Haru sank back down, finding comfort in the hot bathwater. So Rin hadn't run after him. He'd just called Makoto. 

"He said that you were swimming at Samezuka, and the two of you had a weird conversation and you ran off. He wanted to make sure you were okay, because you weren't answering his phone calls. I told him you didn't carry your cell phone, and he asked me to tell you to check your messages."

"I'm fine."

Makoto sat down with his back against the bathtub. "I told Rin you'd say that. Do you want me to go get your phone so -"

"NO," Haru interjected loudly. "No, it's fine." He had to calm down, or Mako might start questioning him. "I'll call him later." When was the last time he had lied so blatently? When was the last time he had lied to  _Makoto_ , of all people? When was the last time he had lied at all? Whatever the answer was, he didn't seem to have lost his ability to lie. 

"Are you sure? I can go find it -"

"I'm sure."

"All right." Mako fell silent for a minute, then started up again. "Nagisa said he called you."

"What did he want?"

"I think he wanted to know if you would come see a movie with us."

"When?"

"Ah -" he glanced at his phone. "Twenty minutes ago."

"Oh."

"Don't worry. I think Nagisa and Rei were happy to go alone."

Haru winced. Watching Nagisa and Rei's relationship progress had been painful. Nagisa was overbearing to the extreme, and Rei was awkward and oblivious. It had taken them a long time to figure out what the other wanted - or, in Nagisa's case, what he could get away with - and now that they were dating, they were overbearingly awkward. 

Perhaps, in other circumstances, Haru could have been happy for them, even found them endearing. But at the moment, he felt an extraordinary resentment towards anyone who could kiss the person they wanted to kiss without having to run all the way home - which, honestly, could have been avoided if he'd been smart enough to take the bus, but he hadn't been smart enough to react properly to Rin and he hadn't been smart enough to take public transportation. 

"I'm sure they were overjoyed." 

Mako waited a little while, but Haru kept his mouth shut, and as his fingers turned pruny Mako gave up and stood, exusing himself to go play with his siblings like he'd promised. Haru stayed in the water for a long time after he'd left, feeling strangely trapped; the only water he could take refuge in was a bath, and it smelled more like soap than chlorine. 

He left when the water got cold, just in time to see his cell phone light up with Nagisa's name. "Hello?"

"Haru-chan!"

"Leave off the -chan."

"Gou-chan invited us over for dinner. Come with us?"

"What time?"

"In half an hour."

"All right."

Haru dressed, throwing on the clothes he'd just pulled off, and left for Gou's house. 

The entire swim team was there, including a tired Makoto - although he always looked tired - and Miss Amakata, who seemed to be wearing more pastels than normal. Nagisa and Rei sat two inches apart, bumping into each other every time they moved. They didn't appear to mind.

"Haru-chan," Nagisa began, "Coach Sasabe has invited the seven of us to dinner tomorrow for -"

"The seven of us?" Haru noticed Makoto's wide-eyed glare, as did Nagisa, who quickly backtracked.

"Yes, the seven of us, for dinner -"

"You, me, Mako, Rei, Miss Amakata, Gou, and...?"

"Rin-chan!" Nagisa said with a full-body wiggle that smacked him into Rei multiple times. Rei looked confused, as though he was trying to calculate just how much of that movement was due to Nagisa's inherent happiness and just how much was due to his apparent need to touch Rei.

"That reminds me," Gou interrupted with a worried glance at the clock. "Rin was supposed to be home an hour ago - does anyone know where he is?"

"Rin is coming home tonight?" Haru asked. Of course - he had said he was, by the - he had said he was, earlier that day.

Mako frowned. "I'd have thought you knew, considering -"

"Oh, is it that late already?" Haru interrupted with a pointed glance at the clock. "I should go, I have to... visit... my aunt tomorrow. It's too bad I won't be able to visit Coach Sasabe with you, you'll have to tell him I said thank you for the invitation -"

"You won't even wait for Rin-chan to get back?" Nagisa asked, his face contorted in confusion. 

"I - can't, sorry -" Haru grabbed his coat and thanked Gou, deaf to Nagisa's questions about what aunt and where she lived and why Haru-chan hadn't mentioned that earlier and it wasn't really  _that_ late did Haru-chan really have to leave now before Rin-chan got back and wasn't Haru-chan worried about Rin-chan who after all was an hour late? Haru-chan was acting very strange why what had happened was something wrong?

Nagisa was still asking questions when Haru opened the door and walked straight into Rin. Haru felt as shocked as Rin looked, but he wasn't stupid enough to stand still like Rin did - he kept going, practically running him over. He heard a  _thump_ behind him as Rin's bag hit the ground and he thought he heard Rin yell " _Haruka_!" but he kept going, walking through the shadows. He took the most circuitous route to his house that he knew of, and approached his house carefully, worried that his friends might have gone there to confront him, but the lights were off. He opened the door, which made a scratching sound - there was a paper stuck under the door, dragged along on the floor. Haru picked it up. It was in Rin's handwriting. 

He threw it in the trash, unread. 

 

**Part Two**

"Haru, wait -!" But Haru was gone, the door swinging shut behind him. Rin dashed towards the door, slipped, fell, and got back up only to find that there was no sign of Haru outside. Rin returned to his clothing and dressed. Had Haru stopped to dress? Probably not. If he was running, he wasn't going to stop. 

He went back to his room, scooping his phone off of his bed and dialing Haru's number. He got Haru's voicemail. He didn't leave a message.

He took a moment to be grateful that Nitori wasn't there. There had been no better way to make him feel guilty for like Haru than to put a love-struck boy in front of his face, and make that boy his own personal cheerleader. Of course, he didn't feel half so bad anymore, knowing that Haru liked him too. But - 

Haru had looked desperate, underwater. He'd looked confused. Trapped. Maybe - 

There was a chance - a chance that Rin didn't want to consider - 

There was a chance that Rin had overpowered Haru, had forced him into doing the only thing he could think of in his confusion - had Haru even gotten a chance to breathe before he'd been shoved underwater? 

Rin lay back on his bed. Was he misinterpreting Haru's actions? He was the  _last_ person on earth to misunderstand Haru -

Except for Makoto, of course - 

And except for the fact that he had had no idea what was going on in Haru's head for the past few months, and had no idea what Haru was thinking now - 

Maybe Haru wasn't quite as in love with him as he hoped. 

He dialed Haru's number again. 

Maybe texting would be better. A text would pop up on Haru's screen, and he'd be forced to read it - to  _glance_ at it, at least.

_Would it kill you to talk to me? I'm not angry. Call me._

He waited. Nothing. 

Well aware of the fact that he was acting like a child, he called again. He got the voicemail again, and cleared his throat nervously. "Ah - Haru, it's me. Call me back, okay? I need to talk to you. At least let me know that you haven't gotten run over by a bus or something on your way out. Bye." 

Of course, now he was seriously considering the fact that Haru  _might_ have gotten run over by a bus, he had just run out and maybe he hadn't been thinking - 

He texted Haru again, a nearly identical message to the one before. 

An hour passed. Haru had had plenty of time to get home. 

Rin dialed Makoto's number.

"Hello?"

"Mako, it's Rin. I'm worried about Haru. He was here - he wanted to swim, of course - and we talked for a little while, and I think - something I - did - disturbed him. He ran out of here pretty fast. I've called him a couple times, but he hasn't answered -"

"His cell phone?" Mako interrupted. 

"Yes."

"He doesn't carry his cell phone."

Hadn't Rin seen Haru's cell phone peeking out of his sweatshirt pocket? Maybe not. "Well, anyway, would you mind checking up on him?"

"If he's anything other than dead, he won't tell me anything. He'll just say he's fine."

"Right. Well, I'd feel better if I knew he wasn't dead. Could you tell him to check his messages?"

"Sure. You know, you  _are_ coming home tonight, you could just visit him yourself."

"Right. Still, he'll talk to you more than he'll talk to me."

Mako sighed, a harsh buzz over the phone. "I'll try."

They exchanged good-byes and Rin hung up. The clock showed that the bus back home was leaving in forty minutes. Rin glanced at his bag, messily packed but ready to go, and zipped it up. Cold as it was, he chose to wait outside in the cold; it was better than sitting in his unadorned, grey room, where he felt like Nitori might jump out at any minute and ask him if he was sad because of Nanase-san. 

Rin sat on a bench and waited, trying and failing to keep his eyes off of his phone and jumping every time he thought the phone vibrated. 

It vibrated just as the bus pulled up - but it didn't show Haru's number, it showed Makoto's. "Did you check on him?" he asked as he found a seat on the bus. 

"Yes. He says he's fine. He didn't talk much, but he never does." Mako sighed. "He was in the bathtub when I walked in, in his bathingsuit. I thought he was trying to drown himself. His legs were blue, like he was cold. What did the two of you talk about?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it. Thanks, Mako."

"Don't worry about it? You made me go check on him even though you're coming home tonight and -" he took a deep breath. "Never mind. You're welcome."

Rin hung up, feeling mildly guilty. But -

Mako thought Haru was trying to drown himself? That meant Haru hadn't just been underwater, Haru had _tried to drown himself_. Mako wasn't stupid enough to think that Haru going underwater in a bathtub was a suicide attempt, so it must have been something different, something that had worried Mako. And if Mako was worried, Rin was  _terrified_. 

Rin got off a stop early: the stop closer to Haru's house than to his own. He walked down paths that brought back childhood memories - he hadn't been to Haru's house since before he left for Australia, actually. But the roads were still familiar, and Haru's house didn't look much different than he remembered it.

The lights were off. He knocked.

No one answered.

He knocked again.

Nothing.

How had he gotten in as a child, when no one was there and he wanted to surprise Haru -

The entrance upstairs, of course.

Rin darted around and up the stairs and into Haru's house. "Haru?"

There was no answer.

He rushed through the rooms, giving up only when he had made sure that no one was there.

He dug through Haru's desk and pulled out a pen and paper.

_Haru,_

_Can we talk? I don't know if you like me or if you were scared. I like you. I was really rough back there, though, and if it made you nervous I'm sorry. Could you please just call me? I want to apologize. If you don't like me it's fine, I'll never mention it again, but please, don't leave me hanging like this._

_Sorry this is so messy._

_Rin._

He folded the note, unwilling to rewrite it, unorganized though it was, and stuffed it under the front door where Haru would absolutely have to find it. He himself left the same way he had come in.

He walked home, wondering if this was why Haru's legs had been blue - if he had walked the whole way home. But that was stupid -

But maybe not, Haru did weird things like that -

And he wouldn't have been willing to wait for a bus -

But maybe not, maybe he caught the bus, maybe it was just Mako's imagination running wild.

Where _was_ Haru, though? Where had he gone? The question occupied him the whole way home, as he wondered if Haru would have revisited their old school, or had gone for a walk even though it was cold, or had gone to the public pool because his swimming session had been interrupted...

He trudged up the steps to his front door, and the door opened. Rin stood stock-still as Haruka walked into him and kept going, without even a glance of acknowledgement.

Rin stood still for a moment as his brain processed Haru and Nagisa, who stood in the doorway. And then he dropped his bags and turned. " _Haruka_ -" but it was too late, Haru was too far away already. 

"Haru-chan said he has to go visit his aunt tomorrow," Nagisa said shakily. "So he had to leave."

Rin cursed as he picked up his bag.

"Rin, come back down, we're having dinner -"

"I'm not hungry," he growled at his sister.

"I made sure all of your friends were here, so that you could come back to dinner and not have to sit with just your family and _you are an hour late where were you_ -"

So it was Gou's fault. If she hadn't tried to make tonight a bigger night than it was, Haru would have been home when Rin got there. They could have talked. He wouldn't have to rely on Haru to read a note slipped under the door, like they were kids.

He dropped his bag on his floor and flopped down on his bed, phone in hand, waiting and hoping that it would ring. He could hear Gou apologizing for his behavior and Mako accepting the apology and talking Nagisa out of coming upstairs. The front door opened and shut. Gou stormed up the stairs and yelled at him for a few minutes. He didn't hear a word she said, and she stormed out just as angry as she'd come in. 

It was two in the morning when Rin fell asleep, fully clothed on top of his blankets, phone in hand. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mako and Gou have to put up with more shit than anyone gives them credit for.

**Part One**

It was nine in the morning when Haru awoke to four texts and a total of eleven phone calls. To Rin's credit, only two of the calls and one of the texts were his; there was one text and three calls from Nagisa, a call from Rei, two texts and a message from Mako, a call from Sasabe, a call from Amakata, and two calls from Gou.

Haru ignored Rin's text altogether, refusing to even look at it. What did he _want_? Haru had no explanation for his actions. He couldn't fix their friendship, which he had torn apart irreparably. Of all the things he could have done - of all the times to lose control - he really  _had_  picked the worst thing and the worst time. 

Nagisa's text read:  _Haru-chan, are you sure you can't come with us? Mako-chan says we should leave you alone, but I think you're lying about going to your aunt's house. You were acting weird last night._ Haru texted back:  _Sorry, I'm already on my way to my aunt's house. I wasn't feeling well last night._ It took him a couple minutes - he was pretty sure he hadn't actually texted anyone since he got his phone - but he got it done, and checked Mako's texts.

 _Haru. Are you all right?_ And another. _I don't care what happened, I just want to make sure you and Rin are still friends._ And a message.  _"Haru, it's Makoto. If I don't hear from you by tomorrow, I'm coming over there."_  

Haru dialed Mako's number. He picked up on the first ring. "Haru? What's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm on my way to my aunt's house."

"I would accept that, if I couldn't see you through your window right now."

Haru whirled and stared out his window. Mako waved at him from the sidewalk. 

"Oh."

"Will you let me in?" 

"Yes." Haru ended the call and headed downstairs and opened the door. "Please don't tell Nagisa I'm here."

"I won't. So why is Rin calling me and asking me to tell you to read his messages?"

"I have no idea."

"You haven't read his messages?"

"No. Why is he calling you?"

"He thinks that I can get you to talk more than other people can."

Haru remained silent as he made himself breakfast.

"Is that oatmeal?"

"Yes."

"Not mackerel?"

"No."

"Is there mackerel in it?"

"No."

Mako sat down at the other side of the table. "You're not eating mackerel -"

"I don't feel like cooking it this morning."

"Fine. You have nowhere to go and all the time you could possibly want to cook fish for breakfast, and you're not eating fish. You're lying to Nagisa, Rei, and me. You are completely ignoring Rin -"

"I wanted peace and quiet, and needed a way to prevent Nagisa from dragging me out of the house."

"It's dinner, an hour or two at most. You would have had the rest of the day to yourself." Mako awaited an answer that never came. "Haru, I don't know what happened, but you can't spend the rest of your life avoiding Rin. You won't be able to swim at all unless you move away. And you can't leave the swimming club; we need you. You are going to see Rin at some point, and he clearly wants to talk to you... why did you stop eating?"

Haru had tuned Mako out halfway through, with his spoon half out of his bowl. Had Mako just said he  _wouldn't be able to swim at all_? That didn't make sense. But, then, it did, because Haru had already made up his mind not to go to Samezuka, and he hated the public pool, and Iwatobi's pool was outdoors, and the sea wouldn't be warm enough to swim in for several months yet, and that was a long time to go without swimming. He had managed it before, but now that he'd started swimming regularly again, the bathtub didn't even seem like an inadequate replacement - it just seemed inadequate. He had a sudden vision of himself wandering through the desert, with no water and no pool and no sea and no bathtub, and 

"Haru? Haru?"

and he thought of the alternative - talking to Rin and seeing him periodically and not talking to him and the pitying glances Rin would give him, and

"Haru, stop, you're scaring me -"

and he would never be able to handle that, not now that he'd tasted Rin - even if he had been tainted with chlorine - and not now that he'd seen a different world, in which Rin pushed him back against a bed, or pushed him underwater specifically to kiss him, or swam with him without asking about Nagisa or Rei or Makoto, or 

Cold water splashed him in the face, and he gasped. 

"Haru?"

"What?"

Mako was standing inches away from him, holding a now-empty glass. " _If you ever do anything like that again I am taking you to a hospital_ ," he said in what Haru assumed was the angriest voice he could manage.

"Do anything like what?"

"Like sitting perfectly still for seven minutes straight, staring at the wall, without blinking. Do  _not_. Do that again." _  
_

"Seven minutes?"

"Seven."

"I'm sorry."

Mako slumped back into his chair. "You don't have to apologize."

"I do. I scared you."

"Then how about, instead of apologizing to me, you go call Rin?" 

 

**Part Two**

Rin lay in bed, precisely where he'd fallen asleep the night before. He had never stared at the ceiling before, not really. There was a crack right above his head. He'd never noticed. 

Someone knocked on the door.

"What?"

The door opened. "Seijuurou-kun is coming over," Gou said.

"Ok."

"Not for you, though. Don't worry, you don't have to get up. For me."

"Ok."

Gou sat on the side of Rin's bed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"I said Seijuurou-kun is coming over and you had nothing to say about it."

"It's none of my business."

"You've made it your business in the past."

"And I'm not anymore. Isn't that a good thing?"

"It would be, if you were not lying on your bed staring at the ceiling and avoiding your friends and family."

Rin removed his gaze from the crack in the ceiling and looked at Gou. She didn't look like she was about to go on a date. "You're not leaving the house," he realized. "You just wanted me to react."

"That was my goal, yes."

"I'm not avoiding my friends. I called Makoto this morning."

"And Haru-chan, I know, I heard. You asked Mako-chan to take care of your business for you."

"You shouldn't listen to people's conversations."

"And you should go visit Haru-chan yourself, and clear this up on your own!"

"Haruka wouldn't let me in."

"Then stand outside his door until he comes out! It would be a better way to spend your time than this. It is nine thirty and you have done nothing but stare at your ceiling. And there's another way into his house. You can get in through the upstairs. You know that."

"Are you telling me I should break into his house?"

"No, I'm telling you to go find your friend!"

 

**Part Three**

Haru shook his head. "No."

 

**Part Four**

Rin huffed and shook his head. "No."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Haru are both weirdly adept at taking off their clothing in half a second flat, thanks to the fact that they’re both obsessive swimmers who wear their bathingsuits under their clothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that Rin would speak English with an Australian accent

**Part One**

Haruka spent the next few days outside, wandering. He took short baths and stopped eating mackerel - it took too long to prepare. He left early and returned late. The world outside was dry, the air thin, and it might have been cold, but every time he left his house he could only see himself as wandering through a desert. There was no water out here, no peace or safety. Sounds hit him like bullets, with no water to soften them. And every time he saw purple-red hair, he turned and switched directions without waiting to see who it was. There was no need to execute a turn out here; there was no water to make a turn difficult or graceful. He made a decision and he executed it, and it was done. 

He missed the water, despite its recent betrayal. 

 

**Part Two**

Rin spent the next view days taking Gou's advice and waiting outside Haru's door, partially because Seijuurou had started paying her visits. Seijuurou had helped Gou, unconsciously; Rin's first instinct was to stay next to Gou at all times, but the first thing Seijuurou said to Rin upon entering the house was "Hello! Have you seen Haru-San recently? I heard the pool wasn't being used very often, and I'm surprised - I thought he would be over there every day!"

Gou had given him the smug look of a Little Sister Proven Right when he walked out the door.

 

**Part Three**

Haru sat on a bench, phone in hand. The only person he actually talked to on the phone was Makoto, who had managed to convince Nagisa and Rei to stop calling him. Mako would check in once every few hours, providing conversation but no updates on Rin - Gou said he was leaving in the morning and not returning until after dinner. Mako hadn't asked what had happened, what Rin had said, what Haru had done, and Haru was grateful for it. 

Haru rubbed his forehead and stood, pretending to read something on his phone. People gave him fewer stares when he pretended he had a reason for standing. 

It was late, and he was tired. Time to go home.

 

**Part Four**

Rin sat on Haru's doorstep. He'd long since given up on worrying about what Haru's neighbors would think, and he now sat there all day long, leaving only to grab food. He had his phone with him, which kept his mind occupied sometimes, but never really distracted him from the fact that Mako had no idea where Haru was, only that he was okay. As far as he knew, Haru had never left the house without being dragged out, by school or friends or promise of a pool. There was no reason for him to be gone. 

Rin's phone lit up.  _Mom says she's tired of you staying out this late for no reason. I told her you had a good reason. Come up with one before you come home._   _  
_

He sighed and leaned back against the door. It was late and he was tired, but he had no excuse ready. His eyes fluttered shut.

 

**Part Five**

Haru watched the ground underneath his feet, careful not to trip or step in something. He was at the foot of the stairs to his front door when he realized there was a person sitting on his stairs. Even the darkness couldn't hide that hair. "Rin?"

 

**Part Six**

Footsteps stopped. Rin opened his eyes and blinked at the person in front of him. Haru's blue hair looked nearly black in the dim light from the streetlamp. "Haruka."

 

**Part Seven**

Rin was standing up. It was too late for Haru to back away or cover his face. Rin had recognized him. "What are you doing here?" He went around Rin and inserted the key into the lock. 

"I enjoy sitting on stairs for hours on end. Didn't you notice?" He didn't give Haru the chance to close the door and leave him outside, pushing forward and into the house. 

"What are you doing here?" Haru repeated, carefully hanging up his jacket in the closet.

"Why haven't you been answering my calls?"

"Is that all you came here to ask?"

"No, but you'd know why I was here if you would read my damn texts."

"How do you know I haven't been reading them?" He shut the closet door and stared at it. It had a very nice pattern. 

"Because of course you didn't."

"That doesn't mean very much."

"Yes, it does. You can turn around, by the way. Staring at the closet won't make me go away."

Haru turned around to find Rin standing inches away from him. He should back away. It would be best to back away. He took a step back and smacked into the closet. Why had he hung up his jacket in the closet? The only time he did that was when it was too warm out to need the thing. 

Rin took a step forward. 

Another second chance. Rin had done this before - had pushed him up against something - a fence, that time - and Haru had walked away from that. Here was his chance to do things differently -

But he'd tried that already. 

"You can't pretend you didn't kiss me. That wasn't an accident."

Haru could feel Rin's breath on his face. Rin's hands were planted on the wall above his shoulders.

"So tell me. Did you kiss me because you were scared and didn't know how to get away, or did you kiss me because you like me?"

Haru reached up and grasped Rin's arm. He could push it away. He'd done it before. Rin would let him. He could push Rin away, and tell him to leave. And it might not work. But it might. And this could be over. 

But he was staring into Rin's eyes, and Rin was staring back. 

"Could you tell me? Then we can end this."

Haru was silent. 

Rin sighed and closed his eyes. "Right."

Haru leaned forward - not that he had far to move - and kissed him. 

There was no chlorine this time, just Rin, and even if he never got to swim again, if he never got to swim with Rin again, if he could never see Rin again without feeling waves of shame, this was worth it. 

He pulled back. 

Rin opened his eyes. 

"Do I take it that you like me?"

"I've never been scared of you, so liking you is the only other option, isn't it?"

"Is that a yes?"

Haru didn't answer. 

" _Haruka. Is that a yes_?"

"Yes."

Rin gave a joyful shriek of laughter that Haru hadn't heard since they won the relay at nationals, and kissed him. And he wasn't the passive pillar of stone that Haru had been kissing before; now he was a living thing, moving and forming his lips to Haru's and pressing his tongue into Haru's mouth, and Haru was shocked that he'd thought he'd kissed Rin before, that he'd been willing to give up swimming with his best friend for  _that_ , because this,  _this_ was a kiss worth losing things for, this was a kiss worth losing  _everything_ for, and as Rin nibbled on his bottom lip he wondered what he'd been so afraid of, what he'd been avoiding. "Is this what you've been trying to talk to me about?"

"Yes, you moron!" Rin laughed, leaning his forehead against Haru's. "I left you a letter under your door and everything - did you ever get that?"

"Yes," he admitted. "But I threw it out without reading it."

"Of course you did." He tilted his head to kiss Haru again. Haru slid his hand up Rin's arm to curl his fingers in Rin's hair. He knew that arm, he knew that hair. He knew what they looked like soaking wet and desert-air dry. But he had never touched them, not like this, and it was different. He wanted to know all of Rin's body like this, wanted to know every centimeter of his skin, each and every dip and angle and line. His fingers trailed down Rin's neck and his other hand found its way underneath Rin's shirt, where it brushed against a sharp hipbone. Rin gasped into Haru's mouth. 

"Do you mind?" Haru asked as he slid his hand upwards, tracing muscles.

Rin pulled off his shirt. "I mind that you didn't let me take my shirt off  _before_ you began."

Rin's stomach was nothing new - they'd been swimming together for several months now - but  _this_ was new, and the way Haru touched it was new, tracing lines and dips that he'd never noticed before. Rin's breath hitched when Haru's fingers pressed against his ribs, and he moaned involuntarily when Haru flicked his nipples. He grabbed Haru's face with both hands and kissed him, harder than Haru had ever imagined a kiss could be. He pressed his entire body up against Haru's, pushing him against the door. 

Haru's hands scrabbled for purchase, and he hated that the door wasn't a fence, with its convenient handholds. Rin's hands were tugging at the hem of his shirt, and Haru pulled it off in one swift tug. 

"You always were the fastest at getting out of your clothes," Rin murmured. "I always thought it was just the promise of water."

"You're better than water," Haru gasped as his skin rubbed up against Rin's. 

He could feel Rin grinning as he kissed him. "I guess that answers my question, then, huh."

"Which one?" Haru asked between kisses. 

"When I asked if there was anything more to you than what I saw. You're more than just a boy who likes water."

"Why don't you find out?" Haru whispered into Rin's ear. He had to stretch up a little bit, but that was fine - it gave him an excuse to slide up against Rin. 

"That almost sounded like a challenge," Rin commented as Haru slid back down. 

"It was."

Rin flashed a sharp-toothed shit-eating grin as he lifted Haru, hands firmly grasping Haru's ass, effectively making Haru taller than he was. "I'm finding out already." He carried Haru up the stairs to his bedroom. "Quick question. Condoms and lube? Please tell me you have them. I'd have stopped by a store and bought some on my way here, but I didn't realize this was going to turn out so  _well_." 

" _Shit,_ I -" Haru frowned. "Actually, there might be some in my closet."

" _Might_ be? You don't know?" Rin asked incredulously as he set Haru down on the bed and went to check the closet.

"Nagisa buys them in bulk, but he's always worried his mom will find them, so he takes what he needs and leaves the rest of it here."

Rin turned and glared at Haru. "I did  _not_ want to think about Nagisa - oh hey, he did leave a ton here. I should thank him."

When he turned back to face Haru, a condom and a bottle of lube in hand, Haru was flinging away his bathingsuit. "If you laugh at me for wearing that, I swear -"

But all the blood had drained from Rin's face, and he looked like he was in shock.

"Rin?  _Rin_?" _  
_

"Oh."

"Oh what?"

" _Oh_."

" _Oh, what?_ "

" _Oh, you have a big dick,_ " Rin clarified. 

Haru looked down. "Oh." He looked up. Rin was halfway out of his bathingsuit. " _You were wearing yours too_ -"

Rin collided with him, scooping him up and throwing him back down on the bed. And then he was lying on top of Haru, between his legs, kissing Haru with the force of a raging sea, sharp teeth grazing against Haru's lips and tongue. He slid a finger up Haru's ass, and Haru gasped. And he was  _not_ going to let Rin win, not this time - he was  _not_ letting Rin take control. He pushed Rin off of him, eliciting a  _"Wha-_ " and sat between his legs. 

"Haru -"

"Roll over and put your ass in the air."

"What -"

" _Do it_." 

Rin shrugged and rolled over. "If you say so." He looked over his shoulder and grinned. "What are you going to _-_ "

Haru spread Rin's ass and licked his asshole. Rin's entire body tensed up and he buried his face in the pillow and groaned. Haru licked tiny circles around his asshole, and Rin arched his back, curled his toes, and began babbling in English. 

"What?" Haru asked.

"Don't stop  _don't stop -_ "

"If you say so," Haru responded innocently, returning to his careful destruction of Rin's self-control as he enjoyed the sound of screamed English words he didn't know the meaning of.

Thirty seconds later, he paused again, causing Rin to scream with frustration. "It's very interesting that when you stop thinking, you switch into English. Why not Japanese?"

Rin flipped over and sat up, pulling Haru's face to his and nearly falling back down. " _Fuck me. Fuck me now. Fuck me hard. I swear to god Haru if you keep stopping -_ " he grabbed a condom and rolled it on Haru's dick for him. " _If you keep stopping_ ,  _I will call Nitori and tell him to come fuck me senseless, and he will do it._ "

"It'll hurt if I go in now, without preparation."

Rin fell backwards with an angry yell. " _I don't care_!"

Haru ignored him, and took his time with the proper preparation, inserting first one lubed-up finger, than another, scissoring them and curling them - although he curled them more for the pleasure of watching Rin grab at the sheets. " _Haruka -_ "

Haru finally gave in, gently pushing inside Rin, watching his eyes roll back in his head and feeling Rin's legs clench around his waist. He held still for a minute, allowing Rin to get used to him, and allowing himself to bend down and kiss him gently. 

Rin didn't like that, and nipped at Haru's bottom lip. "Don't you  _dare_ be gentle," he hissed. "That's what you show everyone else - that's you on the outside. I've raced you before. I've seen you get angry. I  _know_ there's a part of you that's not calm and quiet.  _Give it to me_."

 So Haru gave him what he wanted. 

He thrust forward, hard, pulling out and slamming back in, hearing his own moans mix with Rin's, feeling Rin's fingers digging into his arms, his back, his ass, anywhere he could reach in his attempt to make Haru move even faster than he already was. When Rin came with his loudest scream yet, he clenched up, and for a moment, Haru saw stars and felt _everything_ , himself inside Rin, Rin's hands on his arms, his skin against Rin's, Rin shaking underneath him, and he couldn't breathe, opening his mouth in a silent yell as he came.  

Haru pulled out and collapsed next to Rin. Rin had a firm grasp on his hand and didn't let go, instead turning to face Haru so his arm wasn't bent at an awkward angle. Haru listened as their breathing returned to normal, and felt small aftershocks rocking both himself and Rin. 

When he finally stopped shuddering, he rose, removing and tying off his condom. He grabbed a towel from the bathroom and tossed it at Rin. Rin glared at him lazily as he wiped himself off. He then tossed the towel back at Haru.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," Rin said graciously. 

Haru dumped it in his laundry basket. When he returned to the bedroom, a phone was ringing. "Not going to answer it?" He asked Rin, as he dug Rin's cell phone out of his pants pocket. 

"I thought it was yours," Rin responded as Haru handed him the phone. "Hello?"

Haru could hear Rin's mom yelling. Rin held the phone away from his ear for a few minutes while she yelled. "Mom, I'm at Haru's."

There was no yelling. 

"Actually, I was thinking I wasn't coming home tonight..." he covered the mouthpiece. "Please tell me that's your  _phone_ that's vibrating," he whispered, and Haru became aware of a vibration coming from his own pants pocket on the floor next to his bed. He missed the call, but called Mako back. "What?"

"Haruka, I have been calling you for the past ten minutes, what -?"

"I'm at home, I'm fine. Rin is here. We were talking." He heard Rin give a version of the same statement to his mother, adding that Haru was having problems and needed his friends.

"Are you friends again?"

"Yes."

"Put him on the phone so I know you're not lying."

"I can't, he's on the phone with his mom. She's just as worried as you are."

"No,  _I'm_ just as worried as  _she_ is, because I am basically your  _mother_. I'll wait until Rin gets off the phone."

Haru waited in silence, listening to Rin reassure first his mother, then his sister that he wa safe and all right. His face turned red with anger towards the end of the conversation - " _You're officially dating Seijuurou_?" - but he was off the phone within five minutes.

"Okay, here he is," Haru said, and then handed the phone to Rin.

"What am I doing with this?"

"It's Mako, he wants to make sure you're really here."

"Makoto!" Rin said cheerfully into the phone. "No, I'm not a figment of his imagination. What? Oh, no, you don't have to come up here, we're doing fine - no, trust me, you don't, we've got lots of stuff to work out. Have we -? Where did you get that idea from?" His face went bright red. "I - uh - I'm putting Haru back on. You can talk to him." He practically threw the phone at Haru.

"Mako? What did you say? Rin looks like he got hit by a truck."

"I asked if you were dating yet."

"Oh." Haru looked at Rin. "Are we dating?"

Rin stared back at him. 

"I'll take that as a yes. Yes, we're dating."

"Will the two of you stop fighting now?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'll go back to mothering my siblings instead of the two of you. Bye."

"Bye." Haru hung up. 

"So all of your calmness comes in handy, huh," Rin asked. 

"Of course." He set the phone on his bedside table.

Rin pulled him back down and pressed his forehead against Haru's. "Sorry I didn't answer Mako myself. I just... didn't know if it would make things awkward."

"Of course it will. Mako is now the only one who doesn't have a boyfriend."

Rin closed his eyes. "As long as you don't care."

Haru kissed Rin gently, and Rin smiled a little after Haru pulled away. "Guess you don't care about gentle now, huh."

Rin mumbled something that Haru didn't quite catch. Haru smiled and closed his eyes, reducing his sensory understanding of the world to the feel of Rin's hands in his and Rin's breath in his ear. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun story: I was in the middle of writing the porn part and my overly religious orientation counselor noticed me and came over to say hi and ask if I was actually working and she looked at my computer screen and I didn’t change tabs fast enough. I have never seen anyone back out of a conversation more quickly than that.  
> This would have been up by 2 yesterday afternoon, but I was too embarrassed to come back to it for a while.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the final chapter!


End file.
